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The Brentford Mercury

Inconceivable - Inconsequential II

Review of this most happening convention

by James Bacon



I thought things might slow down on Sunday, but not a chance. First I attended the ‘Church Service’ at 10.30 a.m. where our newly founded religions - vodka and chocolate - were ceremoniously consumed. I tasted a variety of cheese for £1, saw people make fools of themselves, laser tagged and went to ‘Incon’. ‘Incon’ was a 1 hour long convention within a convention organized by a bloke called Simo and a few others. We all attended an Opening Ceremony, Guestspeech, Auction, Quiz, Panel, Disco, Room Party and Closing Ceremony in just one hour! The Hotel Manager could only look on as 150 people ran like a herd of elephants around his hotel and then squeezed into a normal bedroom. We also played Live Action Lemmings, which is based on the computer game but using real people. The day ended with an excellent panel where Mr Garry ‘I honestly don’t have a thing for chickens. really I don’t’ Starr sat on a toilet in the middle of the stage and lectured about the different kinds of shite people have. Also we witnessed a committee member, ripping, tearing, gouging, electrocuting, sawing, decapitating, blinding, torturing, sodomising with cucumbers and crucifying a host of gentle, little furry stuffed creatures. We then drank and partied ‘til dawn. On Monday there was an auction and closing ceremony.

There were only two bad points but they weren’t even worth bothering about. (There were no guests or Guest of Honour.)

There was a video room and there were loads of other great events which I can’t remember but which I’m told I did enjoy at the time!!! There was an abundance of women, drink and fun and a lot of it was incredibly sick. Not even my death will stop me from being there again in two year’s time.

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