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The Brentford Mercury

Greyfella Bilong Spase Tekka Mi Handbag

(Aliens Stole My Handbag, 30 June-3 July 2000)

by Alan Sullivan


Pink Haired Rockers

Reaching the hotel, on Friday afternoon, I checked in, dumped my bags and joined the others in the bar. It’s a fan thing, I prefer not to dwell on it. Soon after, I was approached by half of the committee (Stefan) who had something in mind. Which is why, m’lud, I spent the Opening Ceremony in swimming trunks and a cloud of smoke, with a number of similarly attired men, feeding grapes to a couple of ladies of the elderly persuasion. It was fully consensual and did not involve nailing anyone’s knob to the table. Honest. Afterwards, I returned to the bar until the Mike & Bob Show. Simo and Robert Rankin “winged” (and later finished off) a talk on humorous SF, and performed an act of ventriloquism that is probably best not described, let alone discussed. The 70s Carwash Disco was good, although no-one actually came as a car-washer. However, Jane Killick allegedly came as one of those orange furry things found in a car wash (just don’t ask). Simo and Robert Rankin represented the late 60s and early 70s as Austin Powers and Austin Powers, I represented the middle to late 70s, as a pink-haired Punk-Rocker, Neal added a touch of class as The Phantom of The Opera (although he kept getting addressed as “Colonel Travis”) and in between lay sundry Groovy Guys and Hippie Chicks. This finally segued into the excellent Tobes for TAFF losers party, where I got so hammered that I fell into bed half-dressed. This was just as well, since I later found myself locked out in the hotel corridor (don’t ask). Fortunately, I was able to wake Dop, who being an all-round nice guy, let me back in.

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