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Stacey


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Joined: 21 Mar 2006
Posts: 509
Location: South Shields
Display Name: Stacey
PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 6:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A big selection of real ale on draft and a selection in bottles too. Red wine that does not taste of vinegar and comes in a tiny bottle ( urrrrrrrrghhhhh).

The ladies toilets should never ever smell of wee and should have mirrors in them - preferably a long horizontal one and a vertical one for making sure you havent tucked your skirt into your knickers.

After years of being a smoker I'm going to have to vote smoke free, I never realised smoking was so incredibly stinky - cant bear the smell in my hair, though bizarrely Sexy Pete likes it hes says "oooooooooh you smell like the pub!" Men are well weird.

It should serve tea and coffee all night and they should never ever give you that vile stuff that pretends to be milk in the little oompa loopa size cartons. REAL MILK.

It should have a jukebox programmed by ME*

Lots of big comfy sofas and chairs lots of.

Real fires.

Oh and a blithering lime and soda should NEVER EVER cost more then 1.


Lets go there now people, I'm missing you all! Very Happy








*by me I mean probably Gaz with me telling him what to put in it cos technology scares me sometimes.
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Timmeh!


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Joined: 17 Mar 2006
Posts: 849
Location: Brighton (well, Hove actually)
Display Name: Tim McGregor
PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 7:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh and you'd be allowed to play poker (for real money) there. Smile
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Janet


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Joined: 25 Mar 2006
Posts: 247
Location: Flint, Michigan, USA
PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 7:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
dnb


Drum and bugle? Not taking the piss here, I'm genuinely confused.

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Timmeh!


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Display Name: Tim McGregor
PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 7:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Drum'n'bass

and when I said RnB I meant R'n'B the genre that covers just about any bland soulless soul/hip hop designed for teenagers, rather than Rhythm'n'Blues in the traditional sense, which I actually rather like.

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Berry



Joined: 25 Mar 2006
Posts: 547
Location: Stirling
Display Name: Blonde Ross
PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 7:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

'Mon The Blues Brothers! Very Happy
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Gaz


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Joined: 17 Mar 2006
Posts: 1788
Location: North East England
Display Name: Gaz
PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 7:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stacey wrote:
It should have a jukebox programmed by ME*


*by me I mean probably Gaz with me telling him what to put in it cos technology scares me sometimes.


Grin Aww I'm so chuffed!

Definately agree on the real ale - should have lots of it on draught and in bottles. The only lager available should be German or Belgian and also served in very cold bottles. A good selection of wine is essential too.

I have a very clear picture of the perfect beer garden too. It should be large, walled, with lots of picnic bench type tables and lots of trees. It should always be warm, but not too hot. There should be lots of cats but no wasps or flies. (One of the pubs in Yarm has a beer garden *very* close to this level of perfection.)

Inside, lots of big leather sofas, chunky tables and tarnished brasswork. Dimly lit with lots of nooks and crannies and alcoves to hide in. Book cases full of obscure old books. At least 2 pool tables and a dart board.

A jukebox that can access any album or track ever recorded by anyone, that can be accessed from any table, and is free.

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A Random Me


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Joined: 25 Mar 2006
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Location: Hemel Hempstead
PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 9:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

We've had parts of pubs as non-smoking for a long while, and it's much nicer, sadly you still need to tread a smoky gauntlet for parts. The non-smoking area is always much quieter too.
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Stacey


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Joined: 21 Mar 2006
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Location: South Shields
Display Name: Stacey
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 8:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A Random Me wrote:
We've had parts of pubs as non-smoking for a long while, and it's much nicer, sadly you still need to tread a smoky gauntlet for parts. The non-smoking area is always much quieter too.


thats cos Darren isnt in it!!! Smile
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Matt



Joined: 11 Apr 2006
Posts: 173
Location: back where I belong...
Display Name: Matt
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 11:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

How about a special jukebox with sensors on so the more people that are in the pub tapping, nodding or swaying to a particular tune, the louder it plays? That way, the good sonmgs get played louder & the crap songs quieter?
Also, how about 'loan out' brollies for when its raining for the stagger home? Or a man who will give you a piggy back home for a small consideration, thereby maintaining the occassional joy of the walk home, without having to rely on drunk legs?

1 & 1/2 pint glasses so you dont need to go to the bar quite so often?

A nice, but not gorgeous, barmaid - not gorgeous, so you don't waste time & effort fancying her.
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Captain Fantastic


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Joined: 11 Apr 2006
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Location: Essex
Display Name: Ian
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 12:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good ale, reasonable jukebox at a realistic volume, good service - though at the end of the day any pub will do if the comapny's good Thumbs Up
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Lady Clara


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Joined: 20 Mar 2006
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Location: Middle England
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 12:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Make sure the relief closet has windows big enough to crawl out of - just in case that blind date isn't going too well.
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SamHayden



Joined: 08 May 2006
Posts: 109
Location: Brighton or Chepstow
Display Name: Sam Hayden
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 2:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

How about a pub run taxi service for regulars only??

Half price for regulars,
full price for non regulars,
900% price for chavs and squadies.


I will take all this into account when I one day own my own pub. I already have a name:

The Squirell's Nuts

and I will ban chavs. (a pub actually did this and it worked)

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Lady Clara


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Location: Middle England
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 2:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What is wrong with squadies?
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Captain Fantastic


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Joined: 11 Apr 2006
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Display Name: Ian
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 4:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

As an ex-squadie I'm with Lady Clara on this one and quite insulted, what's wrong with them Evil or Very Mad
As for chavs Thumbs Up couldn't agree more. Wink

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swineherd



Joined: 10 Apr 2006
Posts: 107
Location: Portland, Oregon, USA
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 6:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
A nice, but not gorgeous, barmaid - not gorgeous, so you don't waste time & effort fancying her.


Spot on, Matt! Gawd, the hours I've wasted...

'Course, being a "merkin," I had to look this up on my handy-dandy Brit-slang dictionary:

squaddie Noun. A soldier.

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